So in this discussion to welcome back Carr once again this time round what I've asked Curran to do is
just consider a goal that she has not the old goal wanting to speak with people in workshops rather
than like this something different something that's more relevant to her.
Day to day life where she out a rhino something that's really meaningful for her.
So Karen do you have a goal in some area of your life right now something that you're looking forward
to something so obviously positive by nature.
Yeah and I'm preparing to be a mom.
You're preparing to be a mom.
My goodness we have something in common or I'm not prepared to be a mom I'm prepared to be a dad.
All right.
Interesting.
I was wondering if we could just have a conversation I'm going to use some of the core coaching skills
that I've been talking about in that last video and just see what the conversation goes.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I'm just wondering if you could just share with me how it is you see this unfolding.
Yeah absolutely.
And I am becoming more aware that as I consider becoming a mom that everything I allow in my life right
now is going to be what my children experience of me when they eventually come.
So like I'm ticked.
I'm gonna be teaching them all the time.
I'm kind of looking at how I am right now and what's okay and what's not okay but what I'm willing to
pass on to them.
And what I'm not seems to me you're take in is quite serious.
I am I've recently started because we've recently started and looking into adoption and the process
for that it's becoming a much more reality.
So it's become a real winner.
Yeah and I have to take it seriously because it's more imminent than it was before.
I mean it.
Yeah it could be within a year could be within a year.
I actually have children.
Mm hmm.
And and so
I'm I want to be prepared for for that day when it comes to being prepared to look like for you so.
So I'm aware of certain elements certain areas that if I were to have children right now actually it
would be quite stressful because stressful because I'm not managing certain areas of my life so well
right now.
And if that were still the case in say twelve months from now then adding children into the mix might
become stressful stress.
So such as community an example such as an
so if I were to take an example of like prioritizing my household routine tasks alongside work commitments
and tasks.
I've got a bit of a habit of of sometimes putting things off and not just seeing a task through to completion.
And so it can become a bit messy and complicated because I mean there's lots of unfinished projects
at times.
And so what I'm really saying is I don't have a great discipline in seeing things through to completion
at times and that can mean that life gets quite stressful because I'm trying to keep tabs on lots of
different things rather than doing one thing and then moving on to the next and onto the focus and all
of your efforts just one thing at a time.
Yes.
And doing it.
Doing one thing well and then moving on to something else and in doing that.
Well yeah.
And then moving on to something else and then do not well.
Yeah.
And then and I feel like I'm progressing in that because I'm actually completing things.
But when I don't complete things it leaves me in a state of stress because I nothing's completed and
on one level I feel like I'm not making too much progress.
And on another level that can sometimes mean it can sometimes come at a cost cost.
For example like say that you were to ask me for something like some information on my finances that
was important for you and because I hadn't kept things up to date as I went along and I'm not able to
able to offer you the information you need.
And then that that's quite so yes because sometimes the most important things don't get prioritized
and that can cost I can't damage the trust in our relationship as well.
Interesting interesting.
What does it you actually want.
What is it you want really really want.
So what I really want is what we know what we don't want.
Yeah I know it's not working or we actually want.
Was the goal.
So the goal is
the goal is for me to
to prioritize well in terms of prioritize well urgent and important things that need done
and because I'm confident in my decision making that I'm prioritizing well and also not to not to allow
myself to have incomplete projects but to to finish one thing and then move on to the next.
So really that's me managing my own priorities and
I guess being able to prioritize well between what's what needs done urgently and importantly and and
not allowing myself to be distracted by the things.
Think things through to completion.
So what's the girl then.
Was there was the girl who was there was the void.
Sometimes I'll allow myself to be distracted like all by by word and by
by sometimes reacting to stuff that comes in rather than like if I if somebody asked me for something.
Oh my.
Often you focus on to what they've asked for rather than prioritizing what I know is important for that
day.
For what purpose
and what is what is doing this give you.
Yeah.
It's like a short term and a sense of fulfillment and a way that I've met their need.
I can I can manage to get into my day and do that as well and I've got it I got it right for that person
or you've got it right for the person right for that person and you just use pleased as person just
place them.
You just keep this person happy and that comes at the cost of my own progress and actually fulfillment
in the long run because sometimes I feel like I'm making the progress I want to make.
That's interesting isn't it.
So just wondering what the what's what is it then that's actually really preventing you from being as
effective in this area as you prepare a note to be a more effective mom it seems.
It seems like the goal was to be an effective mom.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah that's the picture goal.
So that's that's a big goal.
That's a long term goal.
Yeah but it sometimes seems to me said this maybe sometimes as short term things that come up I kind
of get in the way of you being this effective is.
Yeah.
Because then I low stress into my life because I'm not you know when things are not completed and in
the home.
Ah that's huge the stress out of the fridge is not feel like the as completely inappropriately it's
a month.
I can't even control over that.
So.
So it seems you're aware that you're only able to focus on doing one thing well at a time.
Yeah you can.
So if you're focusing on one thing that's coming at the cost of you focusing your energy and effort
into doing something else.
Yes.
So how was it then that you will ensure that you're channeling your focus and your time and your energies
into important things things that rather than in alignment with your goal.
I was at you're going to discipline yourself in this area.
What is it that needs to be changed.
It's a good question.
So I recognize it was reacting to people or allowing myself to follow through on something because I
I want to keep them happy or do some that are meet someone else's priority.
It's not okay.
But this is something that you you still do at times there are times yes.
I do think this is not something that you've mastered yet.
I've not mastered it.
No.
It seems that this might be a priority area for you know then become an effective
that really it's managing myself actually as managing myself.
How what would you mean by this and
like so there's times where
I'm more aware of what I'm doing and I'm what I'm saying.
Yes and no.
And as I am responding rather than reacting to the stuff that's coming in response I can make good decisions.
Yeah.
Whereas if I'm not really paying attention sometimes then I'll say yes to stuff and and that can be
pretty detrimental because then I'll lined up getting things done that I know are important.
So when I say manage myself I mean not respond emotionally to or not react emotionally to and what other
people are asking of me.
So we're talking about feelings here which are a bit of a bit of a tough one.
Mm hmm.
It would seem to me that there's this kind of a legal lesson we have learned here does it seem as poi
to much point and focus in on your your feelings so much.
All right.
Yeah.
Doesn't really seem like it's going to lead you anywhere.
I'm healthy.
Yeah yeah corrective.
So if I were to focus on something slightly more grounded in fact.
Mm hmm.
All right stop looking at feelings just for a minute for a little bit and it would seem but if I was
to ask you to go and put your hand on hob on the oven that was on would you do.
No.
Why.
Because I know that it's hot and it will burn me.
See I've learned that lesson yet.
Okay.
But there's a lesson we haven't left yet learned in terms of reacting to other people when they make
requests of your listeners who haven't learned yet.
Yeah.
That will
though cost me hugely in the long run.
And long
just no longer.
Well no in the short term as well it is in the short term and long term.
So if you say yes to people when they come in and ask you to do things just without thinking then it's
going to cost you in the short term and the long term.
Yeah.
What else made a posture.
What specifically is it actually going to cost you was the lesson we actually need to learn here.
Mm hmm.
It seems like we can't move beyond anything in life until we've actually learned that which we need
to move beyond it actually cost me.
What's most important to me which is often the connection with you because or what else.
Or are the children you know the future children or what.
Or
are making time for friends and
really anyone else in my life because
I always have this sense of incomplete completion because I'm not actually making progress in a lot
of areas.
So the sense of completion is a problem.
Yet this sense of completion brings about the stress stress or the kind of thing yeah.
So how was it then today you ensure that there's no more in completion moving forward.
What's the first step you need to look thinking today.
The first step
first step it's kind of like not touching the touch in the oven yet so thick evenly.
You'll need to touch that wants to know that it's hot.
Yeah to the first step is important safeguards.
No isn't it.
Yeah.
I think the first step is me.
Me being first of all sure of what I know is important in any day.
How are you.
How are you gonna be crystal clear on what your priorities are each day.
How are you going to hold yourself to a curve in this area because no one else no one else can know
yet.
So every morning I make a conscious decision about what is important for me on this day.
So every single morning you're going to make a conscious decision.
How specifically what does this actually look like.
How are you going to how are you going to stay on top of this.
I practically they are going to build this new habit until I and so practically like I've got a I've
got an organized system that I use pretty poorly actually on my own.
So you have a system in place a system that will utilize it utilize it.
Yeah.
OK.
How long would it take you to get the system in place.
No.
See.
So it actually serves you actually services not chore.
This is actually vote you know against systems and processes in place in your life to help you be more
effective to save you time.
So sometimes you've got to invest a little bit of time in the processes that are going to save us time.
Moving forward isn't it.
It's kind of like little bit of short term sacrifice for the purpose of long term and medium term gain.
Yeah.
So what is it you could go into today.
I could invest an hour into getting that started.
You can do that today.
I could do that today and what will this give you more off tomorrow so it can feel like we're really
start making progress in this area of your life in preparation for this positive outcome which is you'd
be in a more effective manner.
Yeah so that would probably take me an hour or two to get that sorted and I would talk to her about
worst case scenario would devote two hours to this an hour to prepare for two hours and then I must
become part of my daily routine.
And how long it's going to take my day to day basis once it's once it's set up in 10 minutes 10 minutes.
And what part of your day can you build this Sunday.
What exact time.
Like for example or sometimes wake up in the morning rather than forcing a pick up my mobile phone.
Is a real bad habit.
But what I could do is I could pick up my laptop and go right to something like that.
I've had that in place.
Yeah.
So when.
For what.
Point of your more and routine will you.
We actually build this new hub in and visualize it.
First thing over breakfast when I am right in the morning.
So first thing you wake up in the morning.
Then what happens next.
And I start the house first thing then you.
Then what happens next.
And then I eat our breakfast.
So at that point pretty much the third thing on your list so you get a bed.
You brush your teeth there are salt house or whatever.
Breakfast which is you prepare for the day and as you're having your breakfast.
That becomes that.
So you kind of killing two birds with one stone.
So this doesn't actually really eat up any more time anymore and routine.
No they shouldn't.
No.
So this is one thing that you can do today to our investment of time today to set the system in the
process in place.
And then from tomorrow onwards you build this new hub into your life.
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
That's so simple but that already gives me that piece that we've actually made that decision made a
whole bit of progress.
Well who's made the decision have we made the decision.
Oh I've made the decision.
Yes a bit we've arrived at this decision together through this conversation and coaching session that
we've had.
Fantastic.
Shall we end things there.
We made a decision that's fine.
This will get us perhaps as one gets a fist pump.
Way maybe I get a more effective way through the process.
Fantastic.
Listen.
I wanted this to go somewhere right.
I've had coaching sessions that to be honest with you and haven't looked much beyond this.
And clients are literally jumping and skipping out the doors clicking their heels you know doing all
sorts of stuff feel like they've made progress nothing's really changed.
Apart from the fact that they've just made a decision to change their set and they can see how this
new decision is going to get integrated into their life remember.
All right let's look at what the goals of effective life coaching actually are is to enable our clients
to become more responsible more decisive more consistent and stronger in character.
So look what we've just accomplished here.
We've just worked with Karen conversationally in dialogue.
I'm not giving Karen any advice.
All I've done was simply attended her.
You probably picked up on the point in the conversation where the focus changed a little bit that you've
picked up and you picked up on it.
When I kind of turned up the heat just a little bit all right and that was that where we'd done the
attending with on the immediacy you had your time talking about this and you were talking about that.
I was actively listening in for what you actually wanted.
Once we were clear on the positive outcome you want to be more effective right.
That was it.
Let's reflect back.
Let's ask some non directed questions no unless nail it down practically how.
This wasn't about me giving any advice to Karen wasn't giving her a process I wasn't telling her what
to do it wasn't like I have some magical mystical process of picking people.
People can build into their lives or been more effective.
All right.
It was all about empowering and encouraging and working with Karen to arrive at a decision what action
step can Karen actually take.
Today is going to enable heart to feel like just start to make progress of that tomorrow she can start
being more effective.
That is it.
Right.
We're not talking about wasting any time here.
We're talking about practical action steps.
This my friend is pretty much all that coaching ever needs to be right.
Very very little effort on my part or that I'm doing.
I'm using this.
I'm reflecting back what I'm hearing on being silent given current time and space or sometimes intervene
ask a question for the purpose of getting more information.
Understanding that Karen and all of our clients are naturally self governing.
They all know what they want more off.
Sometimes we just end up focusing more on what we don't want than upon what we do.
Once we've got to focus on what we do what is just a case about figuring out where the next couple of
practical action steps need to be.
Then locking a client down to actually taking them so calm the next conversation that we have in a coaching
session we're going to have next week.
You're gonna let me know all about how you've got on.
Okay.
And then we will look up what other areas and aspects of your life.
We can start also making progress.
Okay.
How do you feel about this.
I feel pretty imperative pretty empowered.
Why.
Is it because I've taken responsibility for your life or because you have.
I have.
You've helped me because you have a starting point for what I can actually do.
Fantastic.
Fist pump from your fist pump from you friend fantastic.
Hope you find in this demonstration useful insightful lesson.
Go and have some conversations like this.
You can't break anyone.
You can only lead them into greater degrees of insight and clarity and decisiveness.
Right.
Go and try it at home and I'll see you again in the next clip.